A little indication of just how important and prevalent the concept of Sobremesa is to humanity and how it is carried out differently throughout different cultures //

Since the beginning of recorded time, gathering together to enjoy meals has been a central, unifying concept in the human experience. In the Bible, Jesus and his twelve closest friends often gathered together to eat, drink, share, and learn. The Medieval Era was full of celebratory feasts that were lavish and grand. Thanksgiving, one of the most famous meal ever, was shared as a peace offering between the pilgrims and Native Americans. Even in more intimate settings, hosting people for meals has been considered a great honor and privilege throughout history. Humans give of themselves with food because sharing food together connects us in ways words sometimes fail us. We think of any way we can to bring food into the picture. Weddings, holidays, funerals, dates, retirement parties, Super Bowls, baby showers, business meetings, banquets…I could go on and on listing the things we do that revolve around or involve food.

Why is this?

Is this because America is full of gluttonous wasteful pigs that can’t ever stop eating?

(Mostly) not.

As pointed out previously, humans of all eras and locations have continued to include food in everything since forever.

It is because it is a part of our humanity.

Humans love other human interaction. AND, humans love food. We are wired for survival purposes to enjoy both of these things. Earlier humans got smart and married the two. And now, human interaction + food is a tradition deeply engrained in our souls.

Louise O. Fresco writes this statement in an article on communal dining as a quintessential human experience: “The human is the only animal species that surrounds its food with rituals and takes account of hunger among others who are not direct relatives. The table makes us human. Cooking is the basis for relationships.” It is so central to our identity as human beings to congregate around a table and share a meal together, that it literally separates our eating behavior from that of animals.

When you take part in restrictive dieting practices, they disallow you to remain fully invested in the very human experience of communal dining.

In most cultures throughout the world, tradition holds that whenever a friend or family member pops over, no matter how brief, the host puts on a pot of coffee or tea and sets out a plate of baked goods or hors d'oeuvres. This polite custom allows the host to show you love and care while you visit, and it gives everyone something to collectively relate on when all else fails. Going back to Fresco’s article, she states that, “Eating around a table means both eating and talking, if only to say a few words of praise for what is presented to us. At the table we talk about what we’ve eaten before and what we’re going to eat and everything in between. If we say nothing at the table, then there is always the refusal of food as the final word.” When the ‘catching up’ dies down, you can guarantee that a simple, “thank you for the cookies, they’re delicious”, will suffice in bringing a positive note to any conversation that everyone can comment on and agree upon. Denying said cookies and tea they prepared for you because this treat did not fit into your macros is not an act of dedication or self-love, but rather, of control and self-hate.

In another familiar instance, your neighborhood gets together every year once a year for a big giant block party with tons of foods, drinks, and hanging out. You used to absolutely adore this event, but now since you’ve been ‘on a diet’ the past three years, you’ve dreaded it all three times. You hate the idea of having to avoid all those foods you once enjoyed so much because they’re not keto-friendly. Your mouth waters every time you walk by the dessert table with Linda’s award-winning homemade apple pie, but you choose to resist. You wind up spending all night half-engaged in the conversations around you, meanwhile constantly thinking about all that food that’s still left in the kitchen. You think about how to avoid going in there and bingeing out. You draw on all the motivation you have: “I’ll feel so much stronger if I can just ignore it”, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”, “If I just drink enough water, I’ll be full enough to not think about them”.

While diet culture has convinced you to think these acts of resistance and restriction are worthy of innumerable praises, what they are really doing is stripping away a fundamental part of your human nature. You are cutting yourself off from the human connection that is meant to take place in these spaces. You are losing touch with yourself and with those around you. Isolated in your own world of thoughts and unmet desires swirling around in your head, these become lonely experiences where they were once the most life-giving ones available.

I feel the need to clarify what it is I’m saying and what it is I’m not: what I’m NOT saying is to go buck-wild, binge out, eat like butt, and pack on a bunch of excess pounds (which I know is what some of you thought you heard). What I AM saying is that you do not have to constantly be at war with yourself. You do not have to be floundering under a panic of restriction and guilt and cravings and binge and shame and isolation whenever communal dining comes up. Having a healthy relationship with food means knowing what foods nourish you well and make you feel great and adding more of those in. It also means not having any food rules, and not labeling anything as ‘off-limits’ so that you can create healthy boundaries with all foods no matter their nutritional value. AND, it means you know you have the power to NOT eat something just because it’s there. Going back to the original example with the tea + cookies; if the host has set out an assortment of cookies that are all smothered in orange marmalade, something you’ve never liked, confidently offering a, “no, thank you, I really appreciate it”, is so much more powerful than just eating the cookie that you don’t really want out of:

1. People Pleasing

   or

2. feeling so hungry or out of control around sweets that even though it’s not gonna taste that good, you can’t help but take down three of them on accident

In this case, saying ‘no’ is an act of self-care rather than an act of self-hate.

I have been this person, in both situations, and I am here to tell you, it mega sucks. If you are this person right now, I feel for you, I am here for you and I want you to know there are better ways to go through life! I want you to no longer have to dread communal dining. I don’t want you to hate that annual party you used to love. I want you to feel powerful and confident and guilt free about your food decisions!

If you want to discover a new way of thinking about healthy eating that is flexible, fun, spontaneous, and free, click the button below to see all the ways I can help you get there.

I am now offering an all new 6-week 1:1 virtual nutrition counseling package where we will dive deep and unpack all this dieting bs together. You can access it directly by clicking the button above OR click the button below to take the intro quiz and tell me more about your story before we begin!

I cannot WAIT to help guide you on your journey to health and food freedom so that you can finally stop being at war with yourself. Feel free to comment on this post or connect with me via the contact page to ask any questions or let me know any thoughts you have about this post, my services, or anything in between.

Thank you for being here + for reading! It means the world to me, and I’m glad it is valuable and worthwhile for you.

Until next time,

XOXO,

Kaitlyn